>>Download, MOTHAFUCKA<< Alright, I’m going to write this up pretty hastily, since I really don’t want to dwell on this project much longer. Notes before starting: You will need the tools in this wiki page. Use QuickBMS to extract bb.cpk, bb2.cpk and bb3.cpk into folders in the sonic generations/disk directory called bb, bb2 and bb3. after …
This article, accompanied by it’s sister article, contain shorter segments than what I usually write. That’s because (A.) most of them are pretty self-explanatory, and (B.) I’m lazy as hell and just want to publish this already. Shenmue 3 (Along With An HD Re-Release Of Shenmue 1&2) We’ll start with something everybody wants. It’s most …
Just in case you’ve been stranded on an island for five years with nothing to communicate with beyond a blood-stained volleyball, I’ll bring you up to speed on what I’m talking about here. The American Government has been trying to put a stranglehold on the Internet and many other forms of media by attempting to …
This isn’t just for overrated or shitty games, there are some overrated and shitty games in this post, but the main reason for this is to list off some games that just need to stop doing what they’re doing. It could be for various reasons. Rehashing, being boring, lack of originality, other companies putting out …
Sonic the Hedgehog is well known for his apparent heroism, but taking a closer look, he’s a bona fide asshole. Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale about why Sonic is way more evil than Dr. Robotnik himself. Also, I don’t like writing opening paragraphs, so just read the fucking article, okay?
Alright, I’m going to write this up pretty hastily, since I really don’t want to dwell on this project much longer.
Notes before starting:
You will need the tools in this wiki page. Use QuickBMS to extract bb.cpk, bb2.cpk and bb3.cpk into folders in the sonic generations/disk directory called bb, bb2 and bb3. after that, merge the folders in my download with the folders in disk, replacing the original files with mine. After that, go into CriPackedFileMaker and package the folders back into bb.cpk, bb2.cpk and bb3.cpk, respectively, replacing the original bb.cpk, bb2.cpk and bb3.cpk.
If you pulled this off correctly, you shouldn’t have any problems booting the game.
Changelog since V.25:
- Classic Super Sonic’s midair momentum/drag has been fixed
- Classic Sonic’s midair Speed cap has been removed (PROBABLY BUGGY, STILL WORKING ON IT)
- Might have broken ring loss, I’ll get back to that later.
- Removed all scripted Modern Super Sonic paths.
- Increased Modern Super’s speed.
- More Modern spin attack tweaks.
- Adjusted Lightspeed Dash sensitivity.
- Added a way neato camera shake for boosting in 2D.
- Might have done this one before V.25, but Sonic now slides down walljump pads as he should.
- I’ve definitely forgotten a lot of things I changed. This is not a complete list.
What’s next:
- Figuring out why I still can’t spin backwards damnit.
- Fix Ring Loss (again)
- Further tweak Modern’s Spin Attack so that it doesn’t accelerate (simple fix).
- Under-the-Hood polish and tweaks galore.
- Remove all unnecessary speed traps and boosters from the levels, as well as attempt to refine the existing layouts.
- Probably give Super Sonic a grinding animation. Floating on a rail looks stupid as fuck.
This article, accompanied by it’s sister article, contain shorter segments than what I usually write. That’s because (A.) most of them are pretty self-explanatory, and (B.) I’m lazy as hell and just want to publish this already.
Shenmue 3 (Along With An HD Re-Release Of Shenmue 1&2)
We’ll start with something everybody wants. It’s most likely in development, or at least been worked on gradually by Yu Suzuki, but that’s not good enough for me. Shenmue needs a refresher. Re-release the first two Shenmue games with HD Textures and models for 360/PS3/Steam/Wii U, maybe add more fighting scenarios to Shenmue 1 and some kind of arcadey training mode seperate from the story where you can fight hordes of goons, similar to the 70-man fight at the end of the first game. That should require the smallest amount of effort EVER, SEGA/Mr. Suzuki. While you gain sales and more fan support, SEGA can use the money from the re-release to work on Shenmue 3. EDIT: Apparently while I was writing this (It’s been a draft for months), this news surfaced. Uncanny.
There IS a God.
Why this hasn’t happened yet remains a mystery to science, but I digress. This is really about Shenmue 3. Look, AM2, I don’t want Ryo stuck in that cave forever. I want this fucking game. Shenmue 3 isn’t supposed to close the series, so any continuation of the series would be great. Just PLEASEPLEASEPLEASE give us more fighting and in-game immersion. Shenmue was probably the single most immersive game of it’s time, but now games like Fallout and Elder Scrolls have a similar level of immersion. The next Shenmue doesn’t really have to compete with this, it just needs to do what 1 and 2 have done, while at the same time adding better voice acting, deeper character interaction and a lot more side events and activities to do that can affect the outcome of the game.
Phantasy Star V
Ooh, an obscure one. The original Phantasy Star series was a dungeon crawler RPG that felt a lot like a mix of Earthbound, Star Tropics and the original Final Fantasy games, but set in space. Phantasy Star IV for the SEGA Genesis is seemingly the final game in the original series. While PS Online and Universe are undoubtedly great additions to the franchise (and the former, in all honesty, is probably the best in the series), I’d kill for an old-school style fifth installment with new-school graphics, along with being packaged with the first four.
A New Top-Down Legend of Zelda (That Doesn’t Have A Game-Altering Gimmick)
I am not the hugest fan of 3D Zelda games. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate them, not in the slightest. I just like the top-down games far more. Unfortunately, all of the modern Zeldas in this style have some gimmick that keeps me from having any fun. Touch controls, a team of four Links, a bird hat, Trains, etc. I just want A Link to the Past gameplay with modern graphics. Gimmicks are okay, but they can’t change the core gameplay. I fucking hated the stylus controls in the DS games. It’s not like HD Retro titles are going out of style, and Zelda fanboys would just eat this shit up. You can’t tell me there’s no market for a game like this.
Coming soon to ruin a Renaissance Faire near you!
Golden Axe (Oh God Anything But Beast Rider Though)
Golden Axe is a franchise close to my heart. There’s nothing quite like slashing a bunch of dudes, straddling a dragon and burning a bunch of dudes. SEGA tried rebooting the franchise with Golden Axe: Beast Rider. It was released halfway finished by an already overworked Secret Level (SEGA’s tiny American development studio, responsible for porting a bunch of games from PC to Dreamcast, along with the rather mediocre Marvel Comics games.), and it was less fun than sodomy via red-hot iron pole. Shit character designs, no budget, lazy choosing and being ultimately rushed and unloved brought this game to the bargain bin faster than you say “Oh dear christ why am I even playing this.”. I’d love a new hack ‘n slash pseudo-platformer RPG with Gilius Thunderhead, Ax Battler and Tryis Flare kicking the shit out of every motherfucker they see, but it doesn’t look like it’s in the cards.
A Remake Of Super Mario Land 2: 6 Golden Coins
SML2 was my first Mario game, and one of my favorite Game Boy games. I used to play it for hours, and I don’t remember ever getting bored of it. Anyway, I’d absolutely love a remake of this. In either a SMW style 16-bit remake or an HD 2D re-imagining. I’m not that picky, I just want to see this game get some love. …That being said, I honestly don’t know how to further elaborate on this. Everything is already available to do this. Simply use the NSMBWii engine and tweak it to play like SML2, or take the MegaMan 9 approach and use a SNES visual style.
Also I totally needed a reason to post this.
A (Proper) Sonic/Mario Crossover Game.
Everyone wants it. Everyone’s expected it by now. Why in the fuck hasn’t it happened yet? No, seriously, this would make ALL THE MONEY, and there is no reason (save for maybe the fact that the Wii is terrible) why this hasn’t been made yet. I’m positive it would sell more copies than every Mario or Sonic game made since 2009 combined. Face it, SEGtendo, Sonic in Brawl was okay I guess, and Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games just shouldn’t be a thing, regardless of how mindlessly entertaining the third installment was. Let’s get a real fucking crossover, yeah? Sonic goes blasting through Icecap Zone, only to end up in World 4-1 somehow, while Mario gets shot out of a cannon in Bob-omb Battlefield and lands in Oil Ocean. The story can literally be that simple. Gameplay is obvious, as well as everything else. So I’ll say again; Why in the fuck hasn’t it happened yet?
Are you seriously just going to sit idly by and let this duck bathe in the riches that YOU deserve? For shame, Sega/Nintendo. For shame.
MegaMan Fucking ANYTHING.
Capcom shits all over their MegaMan fans and they don’t even realize how much it’s hurting them. Last year, they cancelled THREE MegaMan games (MegaMan Online, Legends 3, MegaMan Universe). If that isn’t enough proof on it’s own, I don’t know what is. I would have bought any of them. They were all great looking games that would have sold millions each. I don’t know why they were canceled, but whatever reason they may have is bullshit beyond the fact that Inafune left Capcom and now they don’t want anything to do with MegaMan. And to rub salt in the wounds, MegaMan was left out of Marvel vs. Capcom 3 and pretty harshly (yet, still humorously in a ‘grit teeth and chuckle with a fake smile plastered on one’s face’ kind of way) parodied in Street Fighter X Tekken. Oh well, good luck with whatever projects you may have in the future, Capcom, because I’m sure as fuck not going to pay attention to any of them. (Not like I have since MvC2 anyway.)
Just in case you’ve been stranded on an island for five years with nothing to communicate with beyond a blood-stained volleyball, I’ll bring you up to speed on what I’m talking about here. The American Government has been trying to put a stranglehold on the Internet and many other forms of media by attempting to enact rights-infringing legislation, along with bullying allied nations into enacting similar laws. The largest of these are ACTA, COICA, CISPA, PIPA and SOPA (What the fuck is it with American politics and initialism?), and they could potentially ruin the rest of your basement dwelling lives. I am going to give my structured and well-formed opinions on this issue, and I don’t think it’s going to be quite as cut-and-dry as you think I’m going to make it.
This isn’t just for overrated or shitty games, there are some overrated and shitty games in this post, but the main reason for this is to list off some games that just need to stop doing what they’re doing. It could be for various reasons. Rehashing, being boring, lack of originality, other companies putting out a better, superior alternative, or the developer simply has no awareness of the series limping past it’s expiration date. Whatever the reason may be, this is the first in a series of articles that contain games that should no longer be.
Sonic the Hedgehog is well known for his apparent heroism, but taking a closer look, he’s a bona fide asshole. Now sit right back and you’ll hear a tale about why Sonic is way more evil than Dr. Robotnik himself. Also, I don’t like writing opening paragraphs, so just read the fucking article, okay?
Yeah, Sonic Generations, blah, blah, blah, Classic Sonic, blah, blah Modern Sonic, blah, blah, Homing Shot. You should know what this game is by now. If not: The Time MacGuffin steals Sonic’s friends and then he has to go save them, then somehow meets up with himself circa the SEGA Genesis games, so they team up. Yeah, that’s about it. Here’s the review:
Personally, I’m totally for the legalization of marijuana for recreational use. Other than smoke inhalation, there really aren’t any health risks, and it isn’t like PCP where you viciously murder people and rape their entrails without knowing. All it makes you is happy, hungry, content with boredom and a little tired. There have been centuries of extensive research, and that’s all they could find. What’s so bad about that? Sounds like me while sober anyway. Well, hate to rain on your parade, but here are the main reasons why you’re never going to find a reefer vending machine in your lifetime:
Ahoy there! Today I am going to delve into why I’m a cynical asshole. You lucky dog, you. You have the privilege of learning about the certain things that rustle my jimmies, such as:
Female Comedians Who Are Not Kathleen Madigan.
You sir! Yes, you. Are you a fan of post-menopausal women who make jokes about their vaginal cavity, period jokes, talking about how much of a bitch they can be and wisecracks about childbearing? You say you don’t because you don’t understand any of that shit or think it’s funny? Well congratulations, you are either a man, prepubescent girl or a woman who has no understanding of what comedy is.
Kathy Griffin is not only an unfunny cunt, but she also looks like a middle-aged crossdresser. I am not wrong.
NOTE TO NEWCOMERS: This article was written before Sonic Generations came out. Some, but not all of the issues I have stated have been fixed since.
You’ve probably seen a million blogs with an article like this. What makes mine different? Well for starters, I actually like the Sonic Unleashed/Sonic Colors/Sonic Generations Modern Gameplay format. And while Colors received almost universal praise, it still isn’t even close to the gameplay Sonic should be known for. The games are pretty great. Music is fantastic, the environments are unforgettable, but the gameplay is lacking, and here’s what’s needed to fix it.
If you have ever bought a car, you know that a huge selling point is what a car looks like. Most car designers try their hardest to make a car that is easy on the eyes, while at the same time, practical. These are not those. Hide your kids, hide your wife and put on some protective eyewear, because you’re about to see some shameful shit.
