In Which I Rant About Intellectual Property Legislation

Just in case you’ve been stranded on an island for five years with nothing to communicate with beyond a blood-stained volleyball, I’ll bring you up to speed on what I’m talking about here. The American Government has been trying to put a stranglehold on the Internet and many other forms of media by attempting to enact rights-infringing legislation, along with bullying allied nations into enacting similar laws. The largest of these are ACTA, COICA, CISPA, PIPA and SOPA (What the fuck is it with American politics and initialism?), and they could potentially ruin the rest of your basement dwelling lives. I am going to give my structured and well-formed opinions on this issue, and I don’t think it’s going to be quite as cut-and-dry as you think I’m going to make it.

“Why is this a problem? Surely it doesn’t affect me!”

And that’s why it’ll hit you the hardest when it does. This effects everyone residing in Sol III. Do you like making your shitty Naruto AMVs that nobody watches? Do you like writing your Harry Potter slash fiction? (There’s always one.) Do you like frequenting and discussing on forums about things other people have made? Well, enjoy it while it lasts, because all of that is coming to a screeching halt real soon.

Don’t live in America? Don’t think you have any cause to worry? Well, SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER, you absolutely do. American Government is a collection of the most wretched, disgusting subhumans on Earth, and they have been using tactics akin to schoolyard bullying, with a little blackmail for good measure, to get other countries (read: most developed countries) to sign an international treaty called ACTA, or the Anti-Counterfiting Trade Agreement. ACTA, if passed, will usher in an era of worldwide censorship the likes of which nobody outside of Asia has ever seen before.

*Type nothing and click "I'm Feeling Lucky"* "Your search terms produced 0 results."

It doesn’t just affect the Internet either. If you’re American, you have probably bought generic medication in place of a namebrand to save money, which is a HUGE problem with our healthcare system. Well, kiss that goodbye, because it’s one of ACTA’s main targets. Apparently generic medicines infringe copyright somehow. As if the U.S.’s healthcare wasn’t fucked up enough, now ACTA will make it so we SUPER can’t afford medicine that we couldn’t afford in the first place even more.



Artists And Corporations Deserve What You (The Consumer) Think They Deserve.

It’s not the other way around. Take a look around the internet. You’ll notice a lot of negative domains related to corporate entities have been bought by the corporations that they would otherwise target. Sonysucks.com, for example, redirects to Sony Music. I’ll admit that this is a minor gripe for now. Not really a big deal. After all, they have every right to do this, as petty and underhanded as it is. If any of these IP laws pass, however, expect any internet review of products you’ve bought, criticisms of corporations, or any gripes you have with anything related to a corporation to be silenced.

Thanks to CISPA, we'll never see these again.

I take a try before I buy approach to media. Generally, I pirate music and video games to try them out, since the first level of a game or a small 20 second clip of a song just isn’t enough for me. If it’s good, I’ll buy it, because I like having a physical copy of my media. If it’s shit, I obviously won’t buy it, and I’ll probably get rid of the pirated copy. Either way, this method has saved me some serious cash, and I make sure my money goes to deserving parties. I’d much rather just send a check to the artists who deserve it, but unfortunately it doesn’t work that way.

Stop Thinking The Government And Companies Give A Shit About You. (Also, You People Are Fucking Stupid For Thinking So.)

I mean, at this point, anyone who thinks The U.S. Government has a shit giving department for American Citizens is a fucking moron. (Here’s looking at you, Baby Boomer Generation.) It’s only functions are to legislate people into closed-minded submission and to take bribes from corporate lobbyists who want to further the latter so as to make more money. I really wish this statement didn’t sound so tinfoil hat, but it’s true, and it’s been this way since the Industrial Revolution. What The Government DOES care about is money. Look at a huge chunk of congress. Notice anything about them? Prior to becoming politicians, they didn’t lead the lifestyle of the Average Joe. No, most of them were and are owned by corporate entities. CEOs, CFOs, Chairmen, Presidents, high percentage shareholders, et al. Now there’s nothing inherently wrong with having financial success, but the fact that the majority of our politicians are filthy rich, corporate owned shitbags has to stop.

Politicians lie, this is fact. But for some fucked reason, the majority of people STILL have faith in the system. My point is that you fat fucks in your HoverRounds, while you DO realize that politicians are lying cunts, at the same time will believe whatever insipid bullshit that comes out their wordholes, as long as the words “Freedom/Liberty”, “America”, “Terrorist” or “Children” are shoehorned somewhere in their spiel. It’s unbelievable from a third person perspective (my perspective, in this case), really. I just can’t understand why it is that those words will brainwash most Americans, but you fuckers fall for it every time. The dangerously close to being passed “Protecting Children From Internet Pornographers Act (For Freedom, Justice, Liberty and free Motorcycles and Ice Cream for Everyone I guess)” is an excellent supporter of my claim. This bill has absofuckinglutely nothing to do with Child Porn prevention. It’s just an underhanded, sneaky, back alley way to pass IP laws by misleading people into support by tugging at America’s already misguided child safety heartstrings. This legislation is even WORSE than SOPA in that it will make it so everyone’s Internet access is monitored AT ALL TIMES. Yeah, all of that shemale granny tranny shit you’ve been looking at? They’ll fucking know. What’s worse is that if some form of SOPA passes, the media outlets will know what you’re doing, since ISPs will now have every right to sell this information to them, and regardless of whether it’s reasonable or not, they’ll sue you. For a lot of money. And they’ll win. It’s the only way companies like Apple know how to make money anymore, so I don’t think they’re above highwaymanesque robbery of normal people living normal lives.

"Stand and deliver!" "We also provide a protection plan that we'll never honor so this kind of thing doesn't happen again. But you know it totally will."

“Well Fuck, SOPACISPACTAPIPA Passed. Now What?”

Well, if you like things the way they were? Revolt. Protest. If protests don’t work, riot. Gain enough support and fight back. Hard. If you love your freedoms as much as your foodstained XXL “These Colors Don’t Run” T-Shirt implies, get out there and fucking do something.  You’ve got nothing better to do anyway, they took Reddit, for Christ’s sake!


And I’m not talking about that pussy-ass KONY2012 hand-in-hand “Social Activism” bullshit that all of you fucking retarded hippies bought into, I mean straight up leave your house (a challenge for most, I know), go to a protest, and wreak havoc. Get angry, get loud, get violent. It’s the only way anyone will hear you. I’m serious. If you think shitsux once they pass the SOPAPIPAs, it’ll only get worse from there. It’s a slippery slope for civil rights, and you’re coated in Vaseline. Do something to fix that.


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  1. sandwichbars says:

    I honestly can’t stress this enough: I absolutely love your rants. Fucking love em to pieces. I can’t put my finger on it, but it has a certain charm to it, one that keeps pulling me back for more.

    I really can’t wait for your future blogs.

    1. Lobotomy says:


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